I honestly don’t know what I was thinking when I booked my one way ticket to South America but I needed a change something new , an adventure. Sometimes I feel like life  forces us into uncomfortable positions so we change and at this time of my life I needed it. I had been sending an intent to the universe for a while now to stop crawling in fear and travel was what came to me like a message I grabbed in flouting air . The universe was calling me to awaken for an adventure  and this commitment to staying awake from being held back and feel the roar, purr, glow, and breath of spirit rippling through me, sensuous and alive.

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My small suitcase was not a back pack as such but it had enough for three weeks travel well that was the plan just a break away and back in the  rut again. It was only a few months before this  I met Dario a friend who was planning a south America trip for a year and to me this free spirited approach was unimaginable almost impractical I was so stuck in my box I could not comprehend how that would be enjoyable. I think I had been living a life of duty and this was not outrageous taking a trip I wasn’t leaving to join the circus. These inner question to justify the trip were more from echoes of people giving me useless advice on what to do with life and how South America for a single women was unimaginable  (From people that had hardly been further than Calais all their life).

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But as I boarded my flight for Cuba I knew I had nothing to stay for or rush back for no job, no home and no partner-  I felt like my life was a cycle of wake up, go to work, work, eat sleep and repeat I really felt like no purpose was bringing me closer to sadness than hope. I had no expectations all I knew was I wanted to see the world and see how I survived without the comfort boundaries and restrictions  I had always conformed to. I won't even get started on the unhelpful advice I got from family and friends on my trip. All I suggest is that people will always have something to say just follow your intuition, be cautious and stay safe but don’t let people scare you  -JUST GO FOR IT.

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Types of Advise given:

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‘What if you get killed and never come back’ Work Colleagues

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‘What about finding another job what if you don’t find one after this’  Family member  – FYI the  2008 financial crisis was in full swing perfect timing I thought to travel and  no point staying also I already had an offer at a swanky WM position in Geneva which I also turned down for my adventure.

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‘My friends daughter got raped and attacked after just arriving in Peru ‘Friend

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‘If you let your guard down as a single women on her own your likely to get targeted’ Neighbour

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‘Better to see something once than hear about it a thousand times.’ Best advice an Asian proverb

 

‘Oh the places you will go ‘ Dr Seuss

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Travel Makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.’ Gustov Flaubert

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I really think people have been giving me advise all my  life  on how I should live or what I should do  especially now the  mundane thought of being married  for the remainder of my time on this planet is not my mandate. At my age ,I was 29 ,  I should  have been marred  with kids like everyone else my age. Everything you read or watch or hear states to be TRULY happy is you need a glamorous high powered career, husband (pref a doctor), lots of cash, big house(preference off white furniture ) and don’t forget kids (two of course other wise people will keep asking what’s wrong). Just stop living other peoples dreams and live yours.

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Fear is something we all have and fear of being spontaneous and trusting our instincts is what makes us conform. Of course I was baggage free so its easy to up and go. Maybe it was an awakening happening from years of holding back from fear there was a gut intuition I needed this adventure. According to Stephen Wolinsky in The Tao of Chaos, we all start life as an essential being—completely spontaneous and free, without memories or associations. He writes, “As we are conditioned, programmed, and taught how to look, how to be, how to behave, how to act, how to imagine, how to feel and how to think, our essence becomes submerged between all the ‘I-identities’ we take on.” We learn to please Mom, smile for company, get good grades and make endless adaptations to be noticed and loved. Eventually we lose contact with our essence and even come to fear it.

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ANYWAY BACK TO MY ADVENTURE

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Arriving in Cuba (Varadero airport) was an experience and having little knowledge on etiquette or history  of the place on arrival I was not prepared. I hardly did any research on my travels or background on history I just  turned up with a lonely planet book and see what was going to happen  - so really the whole trip was going to be see how it goes basis or lets wing it.

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Cuba was the only place I booked hotels/casas (Local homestays). On arrival I was kept behind by airport officials while all the other passengers ( all European Caucasian) were allowed to pass. My luggage was searched and I was asked a heap of questions on where I was from and where my parents were from at which they mumbled nervously amongst themselves when they found out my parents were Iranian heritage residing in Africa - which obviously confused them and provided them with ample reason to label me as an undercover agent! They also integrated my purpose for traveling alone and why I had a one way ticket at which point I handed over my lonely planet book and explained I was exploring.

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Why are you alone ? the airport official asked with a stern look

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Well surly not having a partner is not a  crime and if its not conventional in cuba in Europe solo travel is a thing ? I scolded back

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After multiple convictions and unfairly having to prove I had not ulterior motives to assassinate or hold another revolution in Cuba liberating its people from socialism I was allowed to go. This did slightly dull my tone but I did mange to stand them down and with a slight smile my first hiccup I overcame alone – ok it may not be much to you but I have lived a pretty uneventful sheltered life in London so standing up to an uncooperative border guard is a great achievement for meek me.

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I stepped out of the airport  the warm Cuban air and sun - nothing was going to tarnish my adventure it was only beginning and my soul was skipping.

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Varadero

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If you’re looking for  a touristy resort type beautiful beach holiday – Varadero Resort is your place. With an amazing stretch of turquoise idyllic beach and hotels lined up its pretty busy most of the time but has crystal waters and perfect weather all year round. There is culture and real Cuba here but you won’t find it in your pristine hotels no locals will be there either. I spent the first couple of days sleeping and relaxing and doing what I planned - bumming around not much at all. My hotel was least of the luxury types and I realised food at the resort was tailored to the western tongue very basic – perhaps because a lot of its produce is sourced in Cuba since in 2008 not much was being imported due to the US trade embargo.

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Having very little experience travelling alone it didn’t feel too bad I spent days on the beach and got to know the names of all the staff who would often chat with me discussing Cuban life (surface level of course) one thing was their spirit was  kind and happy and unlike your average beach seller no pressure to buy a tour.  The hotel guests were mostly Canadian since Americans for years now had been banned from travel in Cuba but I really had no interest in mingling with tourist I was just settling myself into my travels.  

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Travelling alone can be an art and still novice I found it easy initially but ill share how it teaches one a path of self discovery and how encounters with places and people are almost destined and when the world opens up to you in the right divine time the right people appear. I needed Solitary, I didn’t feel alone, time to think and get ready or was I for this unplanned adventure– to be clear solitude is wanting to escape needing room and loneliness is feeling the need for company. Most of my time in London was in a household of family lovely but no solitude and workplace with people with lots of opinions all the time not saying I don’t but I always felt. Plus Varadero a family resort was not your backpackers playground so it let little room for solo travelling.

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I felt my trip was also a self discovery on a spiritual path a chance of unmasking myself rather than changing or repairing me. I wanted to crack through and soften the layers upon layers of personas and masks I have built over time  to protect myself from the false core beliefs that cover  hurts, losses, or what was missing in knowing me. When you drop your mask, you invite others to do the same. Some people will accept the invitation, others may run away—because they start to feel acutely aware of their own coverings and by following my true essence my journey drew me to certain people and them to me.

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I got to know a few selective people like Maria a middle aged Canadian lady who almost felt like she needed to mother me or more I felt like I was being taken care of -each afternoon we would have drinks by the hotel pool and she would tell me all the gossip  of the people in the hotel and tell me her whole life story (this went on for days). In the evenings I tried to escape the crass hotel mambo dance entertainment and  daily salsa lessons and found a  bar just outside on a side street where  locals sat .Locals really didn’t seem to go to hotels or tourist points the lived  amongst them but apart and very modestly lets say their version of bars where  dusty huts serving basic rum but always great music. Here I met Marco a local Cuban and a young Canadian tourist called Andy who desperately wanted to get away from his parent clutches as they dragged him on every day tour. I didn’t need to go on any rum or cigar tours he would relay each one to me each day.

In the evenings the three of us would regroup  on the days events and  would sit at a local dilapidated  bar -I still remember the salty Caribbean warm air by the sea with a local Cuban jazz band that played as we watched sunsets and drank Cuban cocktails. One thing I came to learn about Cuba was that music was everywhere and part of everyone -  it was seeping through the walls of locals homes, taxis, bars. Afro-Cuban Jazz  was based on Cuban music with genres like mambo, cha-cha and salsa & popular in the late 1940’s and early 1950’s (sometimes referred to as Cubop).

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Marco our first local friend was tall black and athletic and I often saw Cubans of every complexion it was like a melting pot I asked where everyone was originally from  he said ‘ if your not part of Congo , your not part of caraeli’ meaning every person had a drop of African blood in them in Cuba. I learnt that  racial discrimination was prominent in Cuba however. The revolution in 1959 aimed to remove this divide but the racial divide seems to be prevalent now  with white Cubans (making 64%)  displacing the black/mixed race having autonomy on jobs and economy. Marco explained everyone coexist but a statement well known from the ‘Together, but not one ;everything in its place’ he shrugged.

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After five days of not doing very much at all I was not ready to leave for Havana I wanted to be near the ocean still -  each day I walked along the beach my spirit fluttered around like the sea breeze and I was moving through Varadero as light as a feather in the  day almost as if my  soul was telling me to come back to myself. I wasn’t ready to be in the hustle of Havana city and  I almost got accustomed to Varadero. I wanted to use my spiritual compass on these travels to go with what I felt if I loved somewhere I would stay if I needed to move on I would I wanted the freedom to not be on duty again 9-5 and subjected to daily commitments it was about feeling free.

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I spoke to the reception attendant and asked if he knew of any casas particular. I was not aware in 2008 it was illegal for locals to rent their homes to tourists in Varadero on the strip as this would tarnish tourism but he knew a family next to the hotel if I kept it hush I could stay at.

It wasn’t I was short of cash I also liked the idea of an  experience with a local family than staying alone  and just among tourists with the same lifestyle as mine back home. In case you didn’t know already, “casa particular” is the Cuban term for B&B accommodation with a few peculiarities here and there.I would recommend always stay with locals even for a short time you see the country through a locals perspective. In all my travels I have always chosen to form a connection with the people of that land rather than stay isolated in a polished hotel confined to the same people with the same ideas from home. My mission for travel is to see the world , learn and immerse myself by being home away from home -just try it.

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One thing I noticed was in all the hotels and the beach strip none of the local Cubans where ever near the tourist areas they were often on distant part of the beach the less idyllic stretch and nowhere near us. For me I have always been interested in the off  beaten track for travels and it was locals I wanted to meet and spend time with Cubans rather than tourists.

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The hotel attended  helped me find  a lovely family a white Cuban married to a Chinees Cuban and they had an a adorable daughter. My Spanish was still very primitive  at this  stage I could hold a basic conversation but we spoke about the weather and they asked how I was and I often made sure I did not stay out late since they would wait up for me. They would always offer me breakfast and dinner which I did not want to always accept knowing limitations on food rations. Cubans in 2008 had a rations system with each family only permitted to limited food tokens per month .My favourite part of the homestay was getting hugs every morning from their daughter full of joy and being so welcomed into their home it made me feel less homesick -  the décor inside was very Cuban almost chic bohemian.

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One night me and Andy asked Marco to take us to a  local place we insisted no tourists. He had been reluctant but through conviction he agreed but said it was at our own risk and he was not to be linked if asked by anyone - which we jumped up for joy there was only so much hotel entertainment we could take.

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We made it to a local supposed bar but it looked like a fish and chip shop or  canteen with lots of locals hanging out drinking, playing pool and of course Reggaeton and soulful Bellerose  -its was pulsating to hear and be in the heart of a Cuban  Latino hot spot . For me travelling was about discovering and being away from what was familiar and being close to something new and different. Still being a newbie on my travel journey only 1 week in this was the first insight to local life and being part of it was enriching.

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‘Cuba Libra’ Marco handed me the new found drink which at home was just run and coke but here a very different tast to rum and coke back home .

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We met Marco friends, everyone was friendly and smiling, I loved the mix for a country which I thought resisted liberation there were a kaleidoscope of people both white and black Cubans, Gay, transsexual and all minding their business as they enjoyed their time together. Cubans are inherently beautiful people gold kissed skin of all shades of brown it really was a melting pot almost to say anyone could be Cuban.

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I noticed any conversation I made on mention of Castro or politics  would leave me abandoned people would politely leave or restrain from comment – at which I realised and was told it was an uninvited conversation killer. Like in any authoritarian country, the government is ready to arrest you at the drop of hat so people generally stayed clear of talking politics in case of being arrested. Cuba being an island controlled by a form of communism/socialism kept Castro in power through authoritarianism which hence also ensuring people did not organise revolts against him or flee. Censorship in Cuba was one of the highest and only in 2007 it became possible for members of the public to legally buy computers – at a cost most average salaries ($20 monthly average salary in 2008) would not attain.

 

Anyway I wasn’t here to talk politics I was just ecstatic to be out of the confines of my limited life in London and away from the hotel resort to real life I wanted to know everything about everyone, talk to everyone and learn about life in Cuba.

 

It must have been 1am after multiple Cuba libras and made lots of new found local friends that I was approached by a man who I was not aware had been watching me a while discreetly - he could have been one of the Cubans out for their midweek drink having fun but he sat in the corner watching me most of the night Andy told me. I was so enthralled to be out enjoying the music and company I probably wouldn’t have noticed an alien in the crowd.

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‘Its time for you to go home now ‘ he said to me as a matter of fact way

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‘Excuse me’ I turned stunned  not aware I was any of his business or I was being watched

 

He didn’t look like a policeman or a person of law with a very bony face and frail body almost my height he gazed at me with stern eyes. I really wasn’t about to let anyone rain on my parade.

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Coming from a free world where everything is at peace (apart from 2008 crash that brought me here)everything in Cuba seemed a bit under threat. It could have been a joke I kind of laughed it off. But he repeated

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‘I think its time for you to go home I can escort you and your friend’ as he looked at Andy at me

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‘I'm fine where I am I can make my own way home when I'm ready’

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Marco was nowhere to be found and I looked to see if a scene was being caused but everyone was carrying on not aware of the situation.

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‘Look I have my passport I'm just out with friends and I'm not here to cause any issues’

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The unknown guy seemed to be dismissive to the passport or bag, I was fumbling through with all my insect repellent, lip glosses and everything else I needed incase of a kidnap , which means he was not interested in money or barttering the situation. He became insistent and Andy didn’t question a thing he pulled me to the doors.

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‘Andy this guy might just be trying to get money he doesn’t look like authorities’ I whispered

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‘Yeah I think we outstayed our welcome and if my parent find out we left for a  offbeat bar they will kill me’  Andy pulled me out towards the street with a taxi waiting

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‘If you don’t want trouble I suggest you allow me or you take yourself  back to the hotel’ the stranger followed us to the Taxi

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‘Take me to the police I want to ask why ? its like being persecuted for a crime you don’t know about. I really wouldn’t advise travellers to be so obstructive as me - if you ever get in this situation I suggest you just agree not to cause a scene.

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‘Sorry dude we are on our way’ Andy nervously dragged me to the taxi waiting outside.

 

The unknown undercover police man followed our taxi back to our hotel we got out and committing another crime  I was illegally staying with my Cuban family who I did not want to get fined – I walked in the hotel  nonchalantly waiting for the mysterious man to drive off till I went to my Cuban family home round the corner.

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It puzzled me what we had done wrong by being in a bar not committing a crime perhaps I could have got a reasonable answer. But it was 2008 in Cuba and in Varadero which was full of tourist and censorship was highest in Cuba where comingling of tourist and locals was actually forbidden. The official law was lifted in 1977 but still now 2008 a time when Cubans only just got permission to use smart phones. Officials like him working for the government patrolled all local and tourist haunts to catch unfaithful people of the state and also protect locals from the outside world to retain the censorship law.

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Coming from a free country the concept of restriction under rule almost left me feeling ever grateful to be British or from the free world. Talking and spending time with all the locals that night I was not aware of their pain or their struggle or could remotely take their position In understanding how things like the trade embargo worsened their plight since everyone seemed to be happy. 

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I spent the remainder of my time in Varadero still enjoying the crystal blue waters, live jazz by the sea in the evenings and staying mostly away from the sun burnt Canadians ,don’t get me wrong, me and Maria still had our afternoon drink but I really needed the time to release all the tension from life in London and not be with anything that reminded me of home. I really wanted to this time to rejoice my freedom and enjoy the moments ahead of a travel journey I was still unsure would take me.I couldn’t even get remotely home sick while here I loved my Cuban family I stayed with and  felt almost God was easing my journey by bringing these angels to take care of me.

 

We didn’t end up going to the Cuban bar that I loved so much again but we met a few locals at the bars near the hotel. As time went on I  was acutely aware Cuban life was not easy with the focus being that people just  got by with what they had and surviving to get their three meals a day. I recalled a night out with locals and the girls adored my basic clothes (Topshop)and how limited their choice was with the trade Embargo -  simple items were impossible  to get hold of in Cuba-most clothing was locally sourced and made. I ended up giving away items I should have kept for my travels but the happiness on girls face when I offered a dress or cosmetics was worth an empty suitcase.

 

One night I even hopelessly offered my dress in exchange for a Cubans outfit we changed in the bathroom – I  ending up looking like a zebra in a printed dress and the Cuban girl with my black topshop dress delighted she got something different and new. I was happy small things could bring so much joy and how fortunate we were with so much choice in capitalist society that offered us freedom to choose .It made me think what was the purpose of Castro’s revolution would this be something Che would be happy with and  I thought communism was common ownership so all were equal but why did there seem to be lack or was I comparing  me from a capitalist state to a person in a real equal socialist society where everyone had the same with enough to get by on.

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I saw a lot of  locals privately selling second hand goods mostly American clothes these seller with folding tables and piles  of accessories on the front of porch of the houses but this was forbidden even though the black market did exist. Most Cubans feel the old communist/socialist model does not work anymore –an economy suffering from a trade embargo these limited supplies keeps people living hand to mouth and as people started to sell independently a small air of capitalism was growing slowly even in 2008. To think post second world war Cuba was the at the hight of fashion couture boutiques like Christian Dior were one of the many  fashion houses opening stores in Cuba outside of  Paris. The rich and famouse would flee to Cuba it was the power era when middle class Americans came to gamble and visit grand hotels and luxury yacht clubs boomed.

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This power era of Cuba in post world war 1920’s resulted in a growing inequality were most lower class women could not afford to shop often sewed at home the mullato (black heritage cuban) where the women that worked in the factories for textiles producing luxury brands for the upper class.  Castro/Che’s war aimed to end the ‘wealthy corrupt society’ using his gruella forces to overthrow Bastisa in 1959 and they did.  Castro and Che’s dream was for a classness and a corrupt free society which does sound like an acceptable  revolt allowing  society to cohabit almost  in a utopian dream -was todays Cuba what was the ideal end dream?

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Most Cubans describe fashion before and after the revolution where the after was considered an instrument of capitalism. Since equality was Castro’s main manifesto then fashion  was considered a trait of the upper class and a tool of capitalism. It was after the revolution that Cuba manufactured uniforms and clothes for the poor part of Castro’s dream to embrace equality. However  when the soviet union collapsed in 1991 Russia stopped sending Cuba petrol it left Cuba paralysed. In the 90s manufacturing slowed down and petrol limited and the once successful textiles industry was a whisper.

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From an outside perspective I still did not see whether people lived happily or sad or in union under Socialism  this was screened but I tried to make sense of how society could function. I always saw Cubans smiling. When I asked of course I got little back on the realities of their plight but I recall Marco saying:

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“It’s very hard to change our situation here, but we can still change our minds.”

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If you cant change your situation change how you see it which Aristotle and Wayne dyer quoted. For Cubans if they waited for happiness to happen their current situation would leave them in unhappiness and suffering. Today as most of the world is under lockdown we should really learn a lot from Cuba about being happy with the present moment when we can do little about it. No matter how forced or a struggle it is they still smile but can we?

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With Lockdown today would rationing be a way to solve the food shortage (ok I know it wont get to this but its more a theory of how we should live) as Cuba does to live within our means I don’t think this would be terrible in fact we have already learnt a lot about rationing to a certain level with limited stock but hoarding for some shines a light on the selfish society that is capitalism what’s mine is mine. In Cuba households share food if shortages occur people help each other since they are all in it together as one. In a society forced to share or is it because people have an awareness of the wider impact of how their life choices affect others or earth itself. Unlike our self centred belief system Cubans feel a sense of concern for all due to moral responsibility of each other working as tribes not as individuals. Maybe this is what is lacking in modern society in the West where justice and fairness are universal principles.

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My travels through Cuba in 2008 proved to see socialism may have survived if the American trade embargo was lifted and relations eased which did thanks to Obama and the shift in dictatorship to Raul Castro started to make progress in relaxing laws now in 2020.But would Che be happy with US relations and now in 2020 as Cuba starts to show a glimmer of capitalism emerging in society. The ideology of Che’s revolution is for equality  where everyone is more or less equally suppressed which leaves little room for envy thy neighbour.

I came to experience the Cuban way of life and learn about its history the idyllic beaches where just a cherry on top for this trip. Again sorry this was not a travel blog for things to see in Varadero trust me there are lots of crystal picture perfect Instagram type spots on the coast. Go see the real Cuba responsibly though it has changed lots now in 2020 its still magical as ever.

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I wanted to see more and Havana was my next port of call – I had truly loved my time in Varadero more due to the  people I had met and mostly my Cuban family that had eased me into my travels without being homesick once. The kindness, love, generosity and their want to share what little they had made me think does capitalism harbour selfishness and forgetting to live as a community in our society. Has socialism helped equality, or has it made Cuba poorer ?

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What I have learnt is Cuba is a  society which is far more tolerant because everyone understands each other’s situation and so people rely on each other you will see food shared or goods shared since this is how they lived together. “La Vida Gorda” is a saying in Cuba today in that as opportunities are few and far between, people have learned to rely on each other. For instance, one house in the neighbourhood has a radio, the other a scooter, another a sewing machine, and they survive by sharing items  – something I wish society in the west did more of. 

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My travels in Cuba saw a realistic viewpoint of life I was not prepared for -I wouldn’t say Cubans where unhappy its  just life was tough as a by product of Socialism. But what I learnt was we are responsible for our freedom of the minds whatever we are subjected to I life we decide how  we react to our fate and how we see it. As Viktor Franklin stated :

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

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I leave you with Angela Maya's poem about experiences of two birds one is able to live in nature and live free as it wishes and one in a cage living in captivity. Angelo’s caged birds sing to cope with circumstances and live for hope although the caged bird is limited it sings loudly for hope of the unknown and is heard from afar inspiring others and birds around them .  For me as I got to know Cubans they seem to be more free then we could be as a community and within our minds and why  are we still not able to, as a society or individuals, find strength in any suffering for a more hopeful and purposeful life.

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I know why the Caged Bird sings BY MAYA ANGELOU

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A free bird leaps

on the back of the wind   

and floats downstream   

till the current ends

and dips his wing

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

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But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and   

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

 

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

 

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn

and he names the sky his own

 

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams   

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream   

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied   

so he opens his throat to sing.

 

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

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