“20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than the ones you did do. So throw the bowlines sail away from the safe harbour, Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover “ Martin Twain
Happiness is something everyone wishes for and more often than not its something we long for. Therefore, whatever your situation life can get in the way and its up to you to really to take a control in trying to achieve that state of happiness. As Socrates and Plato concluded that all humans naturally desire happiness and its obtainable and teachable. Additionally, Socrates stated it depends on the soul learning how to harmonized ones desires its not physical pleasures that always bring you happiness but love of knowledge and virtue. When trying to define what we consider as happiness it’s a hard one – sometimes peoples evaluation of their lives can be based on emotions or limited judgement but this articles refers to a number of components which include:
· Pleasure -Everyone wants contentment but its the delight we feel from seeing a friend or tasting a great wine.
· Meaning - Look outward connect to something and find meaning in a hobby, family, religion should be anything.
· Engagement - Being focused in doing something or engaged in the flow you lose all sense of yourself this form of mindfulness is great for wellbeing.
Few Negative emotions - Reducing the time to think of negative emotions makes it possible to enjoy happiness.
Sometimes our level of happiness is not always in our control due to circumstances (bereavement, stress) which can impact our level of happiness. In Denmark which is considered one of the happiest countries on the planet have a progressive tax system making almost most citizens equal in income which they state ‘Your no better than anyone else’. The key here is social comparisons do not have huge disparities and this taps into social media which causes huge issues in comparisons of others life to oneself.
Why would you want to be happy is answered differently by everyone but scientific studies suggest happier people live longer, have more friends, are more creative and productive in general. The Warwick-Edinburg mental well being scale ,commissioned by the NHS, is a good place to start by assessing your level of happiness why not take the test to check your happiness level : The Warwick-Edinburgh Mental Wellbeing Scale (WEMWBS)
Some items that Daniel Freeman reviews in his scientific review of happiness looks at key components to happiness outlined below.
Commitment
Making changes to your lifestyle and deciding to improve your mental health and happiness level requires being ready to make those changes, having the will power with an action plan and maintaining it so you don’t fall into bad habits. Mindset is just keeping up motivation to make changes maybe build a support network someone that you can update on your progress.
Find inspiration
I like to read autobiographies and follow people that are role models that we can learn from these are people in my life or famouse individuals in the world that have made a difference. From the Dali Lama to Michelle Obama I love to get inspiration from other peoples stories and we can all learn from others mistakes as not to make them ourselves.
Exercise:
Who inspires you? Whose story fills you with inspiration? What about them appeals to you? What changes in your life do you nee to make to get closer to that ideal?
Exercise:
Write your own tribute imagine your life coming to an end it’s a good way to highlighting what you would have wanted as ideas of changes for the now. Write what you achieve, How you wish to be remembered its just an ideal of you and may highlight what is missing.
Diet
Diet can and does affect mood and cognitive functioning certain foods more than others as doctor Mackeerness researched in his book NOT ALL IN THE MIND. Healthy eating can shift our physical and mental wellbeing. Increased fruit and vegetables and reduced carbohydrates can improve moods with emerging research suggesting nutrition in a diet of processed food increase levels of depression, anxiety, mood swings and emotional problems. Harvard group studies on the correlation of junk food and adolescents show 79% increase in depression. Mediterranean diets have shown remission of depression and also supplements of Omega, vitamin D and B can support psychological health. Also pre and probiotic foods decrease anxiety and increase happiness (more details on How to eat yourself happy - BBC Food)Aim to spend a week changing your diet with the exercise below . I will be adding other diets for in my Nutrition section but this is a generic exercise.
Exercise:
· Make a daily note of what you eaten for 7 days and try and do the following
· Include lots of Fruit and veg, fish, nuts and seeds, general plant based options
· Exclude lots of Junk food like crisps, chocolate, processed food, takeout, alcohol
· Don’t skip breakfast and eat regular nutritious meals
· hydration(2 litres water daily)
Sleep
Poor sleeping routines can cause stress and mood disorders. Sleep is key in how our bodies and mind survive there are ample holistic methods and tips online to help this. Sleeping early is a start try and be in bed by 10 , don’t use screens or light 20min before sleeping. Sleep quality is important doesn’t necessarily mean you need eight hours of sleep. Avoid caffeine in the evening I only have coffee before 12pm. Try and get active in the day for at least 20 minuities inactivity wont help your sleep pattern. Having a bedtime snack like a banana or kiwi are great sleep aids. Don’t think bedtime as a time to think too much - is not worry time do a 10min meditation empty your thoughts.
What can I do to become happy
If you refer to my Blue Zones article you will see those countries with citizens that live the longest are happier and they follow the below main types of activity
Connect
Loneliness is connected to depression since humans evolved as tribes and it really may take effort in a pandemic but online options now for virtual meetups. Building relationships can be hard in the modern world whereby we are further from family and have less interaction due to the pandemic. But having a few quality people in your life you can share things with, spend time with and form similar traits helps us evolve and be happy. Being with others give opportunity for more fun Join a meetup Group (meetup.com) -Do this now lots of virtual events or turn up you will be surprised how easy it is once there and it’s a way to meet others. Connecting positively to yourself is important at a minimum you should aim for self acceptance and making peace with things in ourselves we dislike. Try Jungians ‘Shadow work’ steps on accepting dark traits of ourselves we have which form self talk that needs improving.
Be active
As we know exercise is known to release endorphins the hormones that generate positive feelings so 30min of exercise a day or 10,000 steps make a big difference. Ideally health specialist insists your heart rate should be faster than normal for that time. Go with someone for a walk or a run built into a routine to get each other motivated. If we don’t have Lockdown and this will end join a club for a sport where your committed to going then your expected to you.
Learn
Learning something new and being curious go hand in hand. Learning is allowing for engagement could be with others or mastering a new skill is allowing for you to widen your horizons. Try and start something new a book or time to learn something you have wished for.
Give
Whether we treat ourselves to chocolate or helping someone else you will notice the difference giving to others will support more returns than expected.
Additionally, people prefer to give time (over money) when a charitable cause has high personal significance, further suggesting the tie between volunteering and one’s self-identity and need for emotional meaning. Most research highlights volunteering and heling actively increases happiness in comparison to giving money. Try and test it yourself one day perform an act of hedonism eat chocolate, treat yourself then another day help someone from doing shopping for a neighbour to small act of kindness to a stranger or volunteer even better. You should see how long the happiness feeling last. There are lots of volunteering opportunities from Age Uk your local church or neighbourhood community centre will have opportunities for you to participate in. Aim to do more things that bring you happiness. Things that you dislike such as your weekly shop make it fun by listening to music or a podcast. Reward yourself for efforts you struggle with such as being active going to the gym add a treat at the end not a calorific burger please!
When thinking of activities to pursue what do you love or what values will help you choose. But some activities are new and its about experimenting seeing what you love learning to be good at learning anew instrument or language or trying to be creative but its your piece of achievement. Don’t give up keep trying and step out of your comfort one.
· What inspires you gets you excited?
· What activities have you enjoyed in the past
· What could I do this afternoon that I find fun?
· What I can I do that gives me a sense of achievement?
· Do I want ot meet new people?
· List of top 10 classes or interests I would like to try?
Exercise
In a diary add a 7 day diary of what you did and what you felt then review it to see what you enjoyed or didn’t.
Set Happiness Goals
· Connect : call someone up have a coffee online or meetup
· Active : Go for a daily lunch time walk, add a 10min yoga practice
· Curious: Mindfulness focus on a beautiful sky or take a moment to observe a painting. Be present
· Learn : Learn something new this week add a udemy course or learn a new word or even try a puzzle
· Give: Ask a friend or family member if they need help this week
My negative thoughts
Try expressive writing aim to write 20min three to four times a week no need to analyse just try and write down what’s in your mind what you feel and no judgements. Use a worry period- save a time in the day 20min for all the worrying that’s your fill if you find yourself worrying outside your time zone and
· Accept uncertainty
· Have more fun
· Increase positive thoughts
Gratitude
Practice gratitude where you can sometimes a gratitude journal entry everyday of all the things you are grateful today your coffee and help from a friend anything being alive. Both Gratitude and forgiveness practices support your psychological wellbeing and letting go can assist this. Start a gratitude journal daily of all the things your grateful for. Listen to :
Optimism
Optimism is a great trait to have and more likely if you have it your one of those that are happier and confident. An optimist tends to take the credit for luck and expects it to happen always and any negative events are just a one off. Alternatively a pessimist will be the opposite and expect more of it.
But you can choose to be one or the other and if your prone to pessimism you can change it – the exercise below recommended by psychologist :
Exercise: At the end of a week spend 5min each day writing how you see yourself a few years from now when all your dreams are realised such as that perfect house or job and this turns dreams into reality. Visualisation techniques are a great way of achieving goals and overcoming challenges they can be used in bursts of small events too.
Be Your best self
We all actually possess super powers which psychologists call signature strengths. These are the core of who you are and if you are able to identify your top strengths you are better able to utilise them on a daily better to tackle challenges better and enjoy life more.
Exercise: ID your strengths that make you and start working on using them more:
Appreciation of beauty
Bravery Honesty Perspective
Creativity Hope Prudence
Curiosity Humour Social Intelligence
Fairness Kindness Spirituality
Forgiveness Leadership Teamwork
Gratitude Love Zest
The important point to note is habit changing and becoming aware of any pessimistic reactions and avoid accepting them and replace them with positivity it may take time but if its something you commit to you can change. You might refer to them as “whiners” or even “toxic,” but however you think of them, pessimists suck the positive energy out of the room. These people think the world revolves around them, and they often lack any sense of empathy for others. It’s important to establish healthy boundaries with people who chronically choose to stay stuck in their own misery. A healthy outlook would be to remind yourself that all you can do is your best and you’ll be OK, regardless of the outcome. Making other people feel positive has lasting effects on your own life. Humour and Smiling helps in life watch a comedy and take time in the day to smile and remember a funny event.
Relax your body and Mind
“Anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body” Edmund Jacobson
Progressive muscle relaxation technique is one of many ways to try and relax including mediation, mindfulness or dancing. The technique here uses muscles which are tensed and relaxed and the after effect often provides a desired state.
Spiritual Solutions
Be open to other methods of relaxation and tapping into your higher self to attain a sense of direction to knowing what it is that makes you happy or fits your purpose its not material things but reason too and I will update the mediations section on what methods could help - remember it is trial and error on knowing what best suits you. Remember to also love yourself too with acceptance and compassion of ourselves part of Buddhism is reaching Nirvana and as they state suffering is inherent in life and we create our suffering from attachments and demands in life we expect (may be money, property, food) and we get frustrated when we cant reach them . Buddhism encourages stopping ourselves from chasing what is and leave in peace accepting what is. Happiness is not always as easy, for instance you may suffer from a death or illness which causes pain but if we are able to accept them we can cope and seek solutions.
Buddhism teaches that we can find refuge within ourselves through mindfulness thought to connect to our true essence -try and notice your attachments to people and situations and how we try and mould them to be rather than honouring what they are. Sufism puts a strong emphasis on service to others (as above I discussed giving). The more giving and practices you do the more capable you become of accepting responsibility of the souls who come knocking at your door at night. More importantly don’t be afraid to try and take that leap to be happy your Ego is there taunting you ‘ Be afraid don’t let them see you fail’ remember the Ego is the enemy and the spirit if the friend notice it when it happens in your head. Try a new spiritual practice research shows benefits of faith on emotions. Whether its Krishna, God, a guardian angel or a dead mother if you connect and imagine some cares deeply for you can give you sense of self worth. To attain ultimate happiness try and change our way of thinking and use any method of your spiritual journey to help you get there some other techniques to be discussed in another article include:
· Visualisation exercise – most athletes use mindful visualisation in achieving their goals you can too
· Mediation – meditation even 5min will help try insgith timer a mediation app with lots of free guided sessions to try.
· Prayer - Don’t underestimate the power of prayer and asking for guidance when you are seeking relief and in search of happiness.
· Mindfulness – works by taking your awareness off your pain and troubles try a mindful act of drinking tea How to Be Mindful With a Cup of Tea - Mindful
· Yoga -Being stationary reduces circulation and yoga moves can help stretch and release tension in parts of the body wither a class or a 10min session try it
· Qi Gong - is “energy work.” It is an Asian form of yoga that has been around for thousands of years. mind-body-spirit practice that improves one's mental and physical health by integrating posture, movement, breathing technique
Overall sometimes happiness can be a struggle to attain even with all the tools problems such as anxiety, trauma, addiction, stress, phobias can all attribute to long causes of symptoms of unhappiness. It is often advisable to aim to get professional help from CBT, psychotherapy or your GP for advice on next steps this is a start to also help for a holistic approach. Becoming happier and dedicating to it as you DESERVE IT. Wishing you will be happy or buying things wont change things you need to build routine. Make it a priority including components of pleasure, meaning, engagement and less negative emotions.
Happiness is contagious so more reason to smile having someone to share things with a friend or partner always increases levels. Be cautious of social media lowering self-esteem by comparisons – people who are happier tend to watch tv rarely.
The main problem we face in pursuit of happiness is the idea ill be happy when I lose weight or get that better job or more money but the problem is those when’s never come. But we can do something about our happiness and finding joy in those little moments everywhere from taking time to watch a sunset/sunrise, enjoying a nature walk all things we discovered we appreciate in the pandemic also showed us to be more proactive in savouring the small moments of joy in our daily life. Check our Hygge a Scandinavian way to be happy translated to mood of cosiness.
The famouse book of Hygge looks at concepts from old Danish folk stories “affirm the ideas of simplicity, cheerfulness, reciprocity, community and belonging”. Sometimes I reach out in mediation to ask my guides , higher being or God to help support me on my journey what ever you feel that suits but never fail to know there is universal force helping you reach what you are seeking and trust in something greater than yourself that we all came from source or God and a universe which is based on happiness and Love and we can return if we wish it and try. Try something new all the exercise here or just small steps start with something you enjoy a walk, cycle, smile, a prayer, meditate on asking ‘what makes me happy’ or a virtual meetup with new friends (meetup.com) we can reach it wherever or whoever you are. Please reach out for me for a session on tips or for a chat on the happiness scale and components and ill help where I can 😊
Leaving you with Happiness Quotes :
“Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open ?” Rumi
“The most important thing is to enjoy your life -to be happy its all that matters” Audrey Hepburn
“There is no path to happiness : Happiness is the path” Buddha
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