Finding your inner wisdom to live the amazing life you were meant to beyond fear.
Everyone grapples with the voice of self doubt for me it was very prominent in my professional life and creative life and even my physical view of myself. I often hear self doubt more often on personal pursuits like with my passions and dreams to be a painter or writer where self doubt is at its loudest. If I only had the willpower to live my passions and more self belief I believe my life would have been very different. If we think of all the women and people in general that have not lived up to those dreams or talents and has kept many from opportunities of lost chance to live their dream. So much lost talent from suppressed enchantments.
My articles on creativity also looks at how most of us fail to live a life we wish for and also not allow ourselves to discover what makes us happy. Being creative is the best way to bring happiness and joy into our lives but also trying to make time to discover what that joy is like learning to paint or picking up an old childhood skill like skating anything really. Most often than not we deprive ourselves of what we view as self indulgent if I spend an evening learning to paint or work on a journal.
Tara Mohr’s recent book called playing big looks at self doubt and provides great tools and techniques needed to enlighten us with the ways to not let these debilitating thoughts strip us from playing bigger fulfilling our dreams and having the courage to discover what we love.
An examples I experienced of the inner critic recently when I decided to try painting again a hobby i left behind at school. Since then the thought of painting would not empower me or allow me to excel I thought how would this childhood task elevate me to the next stage of my life or was I even able to paint anymore.
More importantly since lock down however it was a chance to see how I felt with this rekindled hobby and surprisingly I loved it. Every day so far I have committed an hour often longer in the bliss of painting. It become a revelation that I loved it even more than art class back at school- lets say as an adult I have a different perspective to appreciate it more and take time now. With the recent lockdown months I’ve been looking into lets say a soul searching exercise ( the kind we get on big birthdays) am I on the right path, what should I be doing with my life ,is paining the right hobby ect.
The biggest stumbling block is having the courage to really know what I want and trying new things - more often than not through out my life as Tara book mention my inner critic has been the driving voice holding me back on anything new. Certain thoughts often Harsh or rude we tend to internalise often reappear like a broken record where your thinking and dreams are often interrupted by these excuses or criticisms that surface for me these are:
People will laugh at me
Im afraid what my peers will think of me since I want to fit in
Lots of people have already done this why would I do it better
Im not good enough and have no talent I wont succeed.
Im too old to start a new hobby or career change I should just stay put
Im afraid I don’t have enough training I need to study more its too hard
This are just a few of our inner critic thinking please don’t think I always see life like this but really I do look at most things from the point of view through this SCARY FEAR. Really we all have some form of fear its there as a survival tool and its been programmed from birth. I often felt these have been reinforced by critical people in my life like echoes of my mother , critical bosses or general cultural societal norms I chose to believe in. I began to believe fear thinking processes were genuine weakness and I should take them as valuable feedback or live up to them. But Tara points out that to tell the difference to when we have a sabotaging self doubt or our realistic thought ;
The Inner Critic Realistic Thinker
Makes definite statements Asks curious questions
Has no real evidence Try’s to gather evidence to form a conclusion if true
Thinks in very black & white- no gray Can look at complexity
Is repetitive Is forward thinker
Focuses on problems occulting Looks for solutions
Speaks in anxious tone Speaks in a calm tone
For years my dream of painting always where backed by I don’t have what it takes, I need to practice more, I will fail and people will ridicule me – these became inner mantras but they blocked me from reaching my end goal or looking for solutions and exploring options.
Inner critic is not always due to a bad childhood experiences its also a natural instinct we have in our subconscious to stay safe from emotional risk , failure, rejection or harm. Those that follow their dreams or she states play big are often taking risks out of the normal status quo by taking the leap are putting themselves in a vulnerable position since for a lot of people playing safe is often the safer bet. But what about all the artists, writers, leaders or any status from the norm.
Its when your reach outside your comfort zone and stretch yourself from sleep this is when critic recites those lines (Im not capable , I will fail, they will laugh, I have nothing to say ect) – sometimes when I had these thoughts on my path of my career or dreams it often made me question if this discomfort are emotional guides that I may not be ready to move on and self doubt wins.
If you can recognise this as inner critic often happens when your making a critical change in your life or decision Tara highlights how we could snap out of it and liberate ourselves by confronting these negative mantras and saying to yourself this inner critic is not the core of you if anything its standing in the way of your dreams and intruding your visions to pay bigger.
Remember your inner critic is loudest when your trying something creative, innovative or different -its not easy changing life long habits and learning new things or even moving on but because what I realised our lives are short and rare we need to embrace change. We all have hidden treasures inside us do something new and different im not saying sell everything and move to Peru ( which I actually did - ill tell you about it another time) im saying small steps to facing your fear and live an amazing life. Even during lockdown now try a new hobby paint, draw, sing, write , dance anything but devote some time and see how you feel.
What to do when self doubt appears ?
Based on Taras recommendation I started building techniques in my daily life whereby when I noticed the inner critical messages appearing I would first become aware it was not me but the critical voice or fear and oppose it. More often than not when I try and understand where these criticisms are from its often grappling with advice from my mother from a very different culture and traditional outlook and as a result we take on these beliefs and outlooks which are harsh often judgements from a women from different time and don’t reflect my life now.
My mother was from a time when the role she played meant risks would sabotage a safe life as I echoed this though my life I realised I was taking on her fears and beliefs a lot from cultural archetype not relevant in my life now or serving me to move forward. For me i have started to be more generous with conversations with myself and defending myself from the inner critic. Ignore the self absorbed inner chatter and announce ' i am here and i am great' - such an announcement to your soul will mobilise it and almost tell the universe you are ready - just wake up to the greatest you don't go back in that hole.
The key steps noted by Tara are ways to deal with it:
-Label it and notice it when it happens
-Separate the I from the inner critic
-Create a character as the critic
-Compassionately see the inner critic motives ( what are you protecting me from,
-Look for humour almost laugh at the absurd negatives everything you try do something.
-Remove your critic from the scene is almost saying ignore the voice that loudly trying to obstruct you by Imagining turning the volume down
The main reason we often have an inner critic is our mechanism to deal with danger and change -. Just remember the inner critic is a voice not your core voice – your core are your dreams and aspirations and wishes don’t let that be your dominant thought. Recognize your inner critic but learn to quit it. The next time you have a critical thought try and work out the motives and if it is realistic ? Don't back down - life is not negotiable therefore fight off the negative inner voice.
Inner Wisdom
Alternatively through the book Tara was able to highlight that although we have an inner critic we also have inner wisdom lets say a guide that can counter this character. As part of the exercises for Tara’s book one I resonated with that helped a lot with my inner critic issues was the future self visualisation. The exercise is almost a way to allow you to meet a future self that is authentic guides with incredible wisdom like out mentors. When I did this exercise I found it initially hard to visualise a future me or the person I wanted to see but one day when I focused I was surprised to meet an among women fully expressed and free from fear living abundant life I had yet to manifest.
The great thing about the future self tool that Tara coaches is it allowed me to find my own answers on a lot of things and also more clearly see what I wanted and how I could live out my dreams. It was almost like learning how to work with your future self as a tool to guide me to get to my answers. Once I learnt how to work with my future self/mentor it helped me distinguish how I could eaily ignore the inner critic and use the inner mentor as wisdom from within to act as logical guidance and voice of reason.
My future self was an older version of me years ahead of time a person very comfortable in her own skin with a sense of calm confidence and knowing who she was and how she lived her life. The future self of me loved her work and lived in open space near the forest with multiple hobbies in the arts. Once meeting my mentor (Me) I began to get a sense of place I wanted to live, person I wanted to be with and most importantly a women unapologetic with unlimited wisdom of the future life she was living. The fears and critics of me and the future were better understood as to how to overcome my roadblocks and work in a long the way towards my dreams and goals.
You can tap into your inner mentor when you overcomplicate things or have questions and is a vehicle to help you be the better version of yourself. The most important take away is to learn to trust your intuitions and instincts. For me in the professional env I had painful experiences with mentors not supporting me and often men undermining me or even worse betrayed rather than supported to move forward.
Try and Meet your Future Self
Why as women are we unable to fully claim our freedom although we say we are liberated are we really empowered ? Women often have this inner critic because bombardment of media, stress, self doubt
Your inner mentor is a powerful voice to help you see things differently we all have inner jewels and by being open and ignoring the fear and using our wisdom to try and explore what is enchanting whether it be creativity or a new idea but just embracing the inspiration rather than doughin ourselves you will suproce yourself…
Another blog will look at how you can help yourself be creative or how we can use our inner wisdom for new ideas – we just need to learn how ill explain in the next blog.
To learn more about your inner mentor through visualisation I mentioned Tara provide abundant questions to help us get to know what our true souls future wish and who we really are – learn yourself not what you are suppose to be. You can always reach out to your inner mentor like I do when Im faced with a challenge at work/life or decision with a friend I check in with my guide and ask her how she would deal with the situation.
What does she like doing in evenings?
What is her dream hobby or new inspirational idea she wishes for?
What kind of meals does she have?
What is her fitness regime like?
What clothes does she wear?
What kind of friends sies she surround herself by?
Where does she live or what is her space like ?
What food and drink does she have?
What are her morning rituals?
How does she take care of her health or emotional self?
This is a summary of the steps to meet your inner guide :
Find a comfortable spot
Close your eyes
Take a few breaths and relax
Run a body scan as you breath by focusing on your feet,legs,hips,arms,torso then finally bring the focus to the space between your eyes.
Focus on a beam of light and travel through this light out of your body and flow with the light to travel out of the house, building, the world.
Start to see yourself float into the sky above your house, above the clouds out further as you flow through lots of brighter lights, then darker light then final bright light.
Be aware the light you travelled on is still connected to earth and you
Notice another beam of light next to the one your standing on and this light comes back to earth step into this light
Travel back to earth and follow this new beam of light as it brings you to your future self home.
Notice where in the world it takes you is it another country and where is your future self living what is outside?
Make your way to the door and meet your future self who invites you in
You then talk to your future self and ask her you questions and listen to her or watch her face expressions
Ask her what dilemma you have or even what inspiration or answers you need – ask her anything ?
Now bring the visit to an end and thank her and you part
Go back onto the beam of light back up to the clouds and sky and dark light then bright light
Go back onto the other beam of light start to travel back to the universe, world, building and your body in the now .
Think about the future self you met and how he/she reflects to your current self - this exercise may take a few attempts. For help on creativity and ideas i will post another blog but my one wish is to get you to have the courage to ignore the self doubt and challenge yourself with curiosity to stop living in fear and be open to live the amazing life you should be living. Whether you tap into your inner mentor or just be open to the universe - ideas are always around us we just need to be ready. Being creative be bigger and live a creative life you wish for without any worries just imagine it.
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